Thursday, February 13, 2014

Toki Wartooth: Portrait of a Dog

I felt that my dog Toki warranted a post. He is an enigma.

Grape Man and I always wanted a dog. Our initial breed of choice was a bulldog, but after researching breeders, we learned that a bulldog puppy has the same going rate of establishing a small mutual fund. No thank you. Insert argument-against-buying-versus-adopting-here. Let me be clear that I don't label myself some sort of animal rights champion because we adopted a dog. This dog was $40.00, and frankly, very cute.

After a few months we found a shelter about 2 hours away from our home. Things in Kansas are VERY spread apart...i'm looking at you, Pittsburgh friends. We decided to make the trip. At this particular shelter, they put you in a small enclosed are where you can "test out" a dog (Test a dog? Interview doesn't seem applicable).
The first dog BEGGED to leave the room we were in. He cried and whined and looked out the glass door helplessly until a shelter employee suspiciously took him from us.
The second dog had enormously large dog breasts. I can't live in a house with a dog who has bigger breasts than I. Chafing on a walk was a major concern.
More dogs were brought forth. More awkward encounters.

Finally the shelter employees let us walk around the kennels to see if any of the dogs appealed to us. We saw about thirty dogs, and a big yellow head popped out of one kennel. This was a cute dog. He was also HUGE. We asked an employee if we could take him out.

"You want HIM?" she asked, "I have to warn you, he is a high-energy dog..."
"GOOD THING I AM TOUGH AS NAILS, MADAME!" I said this in my head. Not aloud.

Shortly thereafter, we were heading home with a 80+ pound sock-eating, owl-hating, stinky mystery of evolution. A vet trip informed us that he was half German Shepherd, half Anatolian Shepherd. "This dog could hold his own in a fight!" the vet exclaimed. Only in Kansas will your vet merit your dog by his toughness factor.

I am a big tough man! Just like Daddy...

His quirks include tearing down the curtains, eating (only pink) socks, staring at cows, and sneaking up next to your ear while you're sleeping and barking because he hears an owl outside. Toki, not my husband.

"I'm gonna get you, sucka..."

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